There I was again, back in despair
a place I thought I’d never return.
Said I’d change again, start over new and begin
but it just seemed I never learned
My head spun over and over,
my thoughts sunk lower and lower
to a place that questioned my life.
Born with skills to lead, a potential prodigy indeed
yet I had failed to succeed.
Not in contemplation
of the world & nature of life.
Nor had I failed to understand
the intricate complexities of life’s inner workings.
I had failed to know the inner complexities of my own mind.
An addict’s brain is awkward to explain
unless you’ve been there before.
Call it a choice, a disease or a state of mind
but no matter the name, it’s all the same.
The pinning of oneself to some floor.
Mine tore me aside like Mr. Hyde roaming the streets of the night.
I always awoke with shame,
for all the chaos and maim
That I’d caused to those true and dear.
It’s not just the drink that affects how I think – it’s rooted much deeper for sure.
A biochemical imbalance that’s formed a callus
From the persistence of my inner turmoil
I tried Freud, Jung, and Adler to guide me towards my candor
But I always felt like Casey at the bat.
Swung without fear
while deafened by hometown heroes
with their psychoanalytical cheers.
Yet when the dust cleared, the umpire always sneered
“Strike 3, You’re out!”
My travels would note, a plant world remote
that illuminated the thoughts in my head.
The key has been shown by men unknown
for their work on the human mind.
The jungles and deserts they traveled,
help for those in their bed.
It was Hoffman, Schultes, and McKenna
whom showed us the antenna
that nature enshrined.
A gift known by many
as plants of the divine.
Photo Credit: Alex Grey